Robert Downey Jr’s reaction to Gwenyth speaking in french to the press
why can’t a t-rex clap? because it’s dead
How do you make a plumber sad? Kill his Family.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”
The horse replies “my wife has terminal cancer”
what’s worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it?
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a truck.
i want kids but i dont wanna be pregnant or give birth but i dont wanna adopt either because i want them to be mine do you see my problem
basically you want to be a fatherthis is the most accurate thing i ever read
“paint your pinky nail blue to end bullying!”
“draw a semicolon on your wrist to end teenage suicide!”
“paint a hot dog riding a skateboard on your forehead to end the destruction of the south american rainforest!”
Sometimes I think to myself, “do I really want to buy another chocolate bar?”
And then I remember that there is a super volcano under Yellowstone that is 40,000 years overdue and when it erupts it could potentially cover most if north America in ash and create a volcanic winter that kills half the worlds population
And I’m like, fuck yeah I want that chocolate bar
that murder victim was totally asking for it, walking around with their vital organs all vulnerable