why can’t a t-rex clap? because it’s dead
too soon
How do you make a plumber sad? Kill his Family.
WHAT
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”
The horse replies “my wife has terminal cancer”
what’s worse than biting into an apple with a worm in it?
the holocaust
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a truck.
(Source: chickensandwich, via whereawesomecomestodie)
i want kids but i dont wanna be pregnant or give birth but i dont wanna adopt either because i want them to be mine do you see my problem
basically you want to be a father
this is the most accurate thing i ever read
(Source: crazyfrogvevo, via whereawesomecomestodie)
(Source: deathstarblog, via laughingisbetter)
“paint your pinky nail blue to end bullying!”
“draw a semicolon on your wrist to end teenage suicide!”
“paint a hot dog riding a skateboard on your forehead to end the destruction of the south american rainforest!”
(via frenchpelican)
Sometimes I think to myself, “do I really want to buy another chocolate bar?”
And then I remember that there is a super volcano under Yellowstone that is 40,000 years overdue and when it erupts it could potentially cover most if north America in ash and create a volcanic winter that kills half the worlds population
And I’m like, fuck yeah I want that chocolate bar
(via whereawesomecomestodie)
that murder victim was totally asking for it, walking around with their vital organs all vulnerable
#that’s what they get for going out in public without a suit of armor
(Source: drarna, via whereawesomecomestodie)
(via legit-humour)
In Romania they have box Vodka.
It’s 37.5% and it comes with a fucking straw.
🙌
(via legit-humour)
